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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Rule One:
If you pull in the driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package
because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me.
You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.
If you cannot keep your eyes and hands off of my daughter I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.
Please don't take this as an insult but you and all your friends are complete idiots.
Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise:
You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.
However, in order to ensure that you pants do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you.
Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other,
we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day.
Please do not do this.
The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house,
and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early.

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls.
This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.
Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.
If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidgit.
If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.
My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than the painting of the Golden Gate Bridge.
Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter.
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avioded; movies which feature chain saws are okay.
Hockey games are okay.
Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me.
I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been but on issues relating to my daughter,
I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe.
If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house.
Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afarid.
It takes very little time for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi.
When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.
As soon as you pull in the driveway you should exit the car with both hands held in plain sight.
Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside.
The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
 

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Ed,

I always get to know my kids dates and friends by discussing ballistics and effective range of each round while showing my firearm collection.

This has always been a big hit! 8:)
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
They have wanted to fish with me but both my daughters discourage them.
They've seen the rules sheet and also my interview form.
They too, are afraid, they are very afraid LOL.

At the beginning of school last year my youngerst daughter was in class and the teacher was taking attendance for the first time.
He called her name and then asked if she had a relative that ran a fishing website.
She sheepishly answered that it was her Dad, he said he would like to fish with me, and she let out a NO!
He did end up finding me on a pond ice fishing last winter and let her know that fact... in class :eek:
 

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I hear you. My little sis is now 17 and remains one of the most popular girls in school. I was not popular, esp with the ladies, and I was a guy anyway so my parents didn't really have to bother with me. Currently, my dad is going nuts with how my little sis is going out on all these dates.
 

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WOW!!! You might want to consider an alternative route. It must be a blast to be your daughter. Be carefull, in my experience the ones that were tightly controlled ended up being wilder then me.

rj :D
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
It's just a joke rj, just a joke. :)33
 

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You don't have to control your kids. Just the people they hang around with.

My house has always been open to ALL of them. I want to know who they are hanging with. What type of kids they are and what there morals are.
If I haven't met them, my kids can't party with them.

Inversely, once kids know where you're coming from they will either respect it or not. Either way you learn who you have to watch.

Remember, the best way to teach kids the right thing to do is by example :)6

"Do as I say, not as I do." never works
 

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Another rule my Dad had with my sisters was: I do know who you are, where you live and your parents. I do NOT lie.
 

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Hey Ed, you might think some of those rules are a joke, but it's all relative, right?

Depends what they do to your daughter, or how they treat her, now doesn't it? :eek:

A agree with the open door thing. My house is always open to all of my kids friends as long as they respect it, and my kids are great about making sure they tell everyone how cool dad is, as long as the respect my home, and everything in it, and around it!

They are also very good about telling them if they don't, they are on their own to deal with me! :)41

I would just as soon have all the kids here, and know what they are up to, and get to know them. :)2 That is the whole key, be involved in your kids lives, and get to know and trust their friends! :)2

Heck, the kids love to go fishing with me, and bring the friends too! :D
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Yeah, the kids are pretty cool and their friends show enough respect, haven't heard a one yet call me Ed.
It's always, hi Mr Diem 8:)
 

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I've always told my wife, when they start dating and they come over to pick them up, I'll call them into another room and lay my gun on the bed and let them know I don't want anything to happen to my girls, or else they'll meet Smith & Wesson.
 

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I would say you need to be cleaning the shotgun in your boxers at the kitchen table! Let the boy hold a few 12 gauge slugs and explain that those particular slugs shatter on impact.
 

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That sounds like an idea I could live with, but the wife would think differently though. I guess I'm just an overprotective parent I guess. Nothing wrong with it, as long as she is safe.
 

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Safe....I don't know about that:

 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Yep, I like the way Rule 4 Takes care of that problem.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you.
Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
 
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